The mindless ramblings of Beth Brown
by VampireFreak
Summary: What if J.K.Rowlings book was based on reality but not quite the real story? Beth wants to tell the world the real story of Hogwarts, from school crushes to every girl at Hogwarts fantasy...


Disclaimer: Anything you don't recognise is mine the rest is J.K.Rowlings… though Beth disagrees with that… -shifty eyes- you'll see : P

Hmm… Well I don't think I've seen this done before… basically the REAL story of Hogwarts by someone within the school. Including the school girl crushes and fanaticises… ok maybe some of them are just mine… -shifty eyes- She's kinda based on me in the way she goes on and on and on and skips from one subject to the next not always getting to the point… but I like her… : P

**Chapter one – Mindless rambles of things you need to know by Elizabeth Brown**

Hello, I'm Elizabeth Brown. Otherwise known as Beth or Bea. I suppose this is what some people would call a diary or a journal; to me it's just a book about my sixth year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. Yes it's the place in that book, 'Harry Potter' by J.K.Rowling. The woman isn't even a witch! How the hell she found out about this place is a mystery. I think that sneaky Rita Skeeter woman from the Daily Prophet may have got the information out somehow. Of course it's a bit wrong but I guess I can't correct that for more than likely you prefer her tales of danger compared to the real deal. I mean come on! If you had all power do you really think one child, a one year old baby at that, could destroy a fully grown man? Not even a man but a wizard! Ok so tecnically a man… No, his parents fended him off two to one; 'Voldermort' was being cocky. 'Voldermort' is actually called Riddle, though Voldermort would have been such a brilliant name! I bet he wishes he'd come up with it and not some muggle. On that 'dark and stormy night,' pfft it was a brilliant sunny day; the Snape family trapped him in a skull which was guarded by a snake much like his mark he had tattooed onto his followers. How ironic.

Unlike the books, Harry's mother and father still lived and the father is **_NOT_** James Potter. It's Severus Snape. Making Harry's real name Harold Snape. Though everyone calls him Harry much to the disgust of Snape himself. Harry's not got geeky glasses, in fact he doesn't even wear glasses, though he does have an amazing scar, yes the lightning bolt, but again unlike the books it's only a birthmark. Riddle didn't shoot the killing curse towards Harry, not as though there even is a killing curse. He was just born with it. Oh I have to laugh, Avada Kadavra? I mean that's such a rip off of Abra Kadabra! Seriously? That's just funny.

Harry is actually pretty damn fine; you know what I'm going to say next right? He's hot compared to that ugly guy in the movie. He couldn't even act! Me and Harry always make fun doing the 'I can't be a wizard' bit, we always go 'I… I can't… be… be and actor… I'm just crap… just crap.' Always good for a giggle. He was pretty angry about the ugly Harry and the bad acting. Also the whole thing in general. Then again who wouldn't be angry about someone stealing their 'life story' and making money out of it?

Harry has faced Riddle a couple of times though, there isn't a prophecy saying he needs to though! He escaped the skull and swore to kill the Snape family, he's doing very badly with that to be honest. There was the tri wizard tournament, he was mysteriously selected and I must say it was more mind games rather than anything physical like fighting a dragon. The maze was pretty much the same though the creatures were not; it was merely a maze with riddles and shortcuts. The cup was a portkey, yup they're totally true, and then Cedric was killed in Harry's presence and both Harry **_AND_** Cedric did try to defeat Riddle with their powers, Riddle has more power than two under aged wizard though so in the end Harry shape shifted, it is possible but only for short amounts of time, into a hawk and took to the skies. There were too many of Riddles followers there to battle them all, though he and Cedric did take down five or six each with their swords. That's one of the real lessons in Hogwarts. Learning to sword fight. It's quite a challenging lesson but it's got to know in the long run, especially with all the evil around the world.

Anyway, last year when my dad was 'killed' in the books it was actually Riddle who was. It was quite amusing to watch Harry bent over to pick up something from the floor, probably his wand, he's always droping it and than Riddle tripped over him and fell in the veil! Was so funny, I want to know what this J.K.Rowling will do now with the next two years now 'Voldermort' is really dead. Also how he will eventually die. Could be an interesting read I suppose. Well I'll have to wait until the sixteenth of July. Ok I admit I actually think her books are wicked! They revolve around the truth but it's all wrong I tell you just wrong!

I must correct something; there are no werewolves and no dragons, veelas and vampires. They are but mythical creatures and are not seen in our world either. Remus Lupin is **_NOT _**a werewolf. I can vouch for that myself as he is my father. I'm adopted but strangely kept my own last name. I suppose it's because I was three when they adopted me. Heh, who knows? My other parent is Sirius Black. Surprised? I hope so. Not many kids can say they have two daddies. I'm the only one at Hogwarts with two fathers. That's great I love having two dads, except the major protectiveness, but it's mostly the fact both of them are my professors that's the trouble. Harry has the same problem of course with the two professors as parents though it kind of works out as four each as all six of us are close, I actually call his parents aunt and uncle… well I kind of have various names for them… you'll see, Severus hates his but Lily just laughs and smiles at me. Me and Harry are real close. We actually both grew up together in the castle. We're best friends! No we're **_NOT_** a couple. I mean **_EWW_**! He's hot and everything but he's like a brother! No I'm into Malfoy… shame he's into Harry. Harry likes Draco too but won't admit it. Draco, well okay we all got off to a bad start, but after Draco lost his 'I'm the best of everything' kick he started to be okay. We're called the trio by many, we're all in Slytherin. Unky Sev gloated to aunty Lilsy so much when Harry was put there. My dad's were in total shock when I was put into Slytherin. I wasn't. I mean me and Har are **_ALWAYS_** up to no good. We're tricksters and often found ourselves in prank wars with the Weasley twins. They're great fun! I suppose I kinda miss the devils being around… they left last year… and two is **_ALWAYS_** better than one… Mmm, the daydreams I've had about them. _Coughs._ Anyway…

Back onto the subject of me, so what do you know? Wow not much really, just my name, my best friends, two well uhh three of my millions of crushes and my parents. Well ok lets add some more info… I have blue eyes and blonde hair, call me a bimbo and you die! I'm short-ish, well I'm taller than some people in my year… but most of them are taller _sighs._ I have a younger sister, well okay she's only like six weeks younger but still, anyways she's a total brat book freak named Hermione. You may remember her from those books. How she became Harry's best friend and not mine I'll never know! Harry hates her! She has a school girl crush on him, like every other girl in this school even though I **_KNOW _**he is gay… well he denies it but think about it this way, don't you just think it'd be hot for Draco and Harry to be an item! Even more yummy than the twins… I really need to learn to shut up.

Until my next chapter Toodles. _Smiles and waves._

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Don't kill me I know it's crap! I just wanted to try it out and see… oh and the 'I… I can't… be… be and actor… I'm just crap… just crap.' Is what me and my mates do, no offence to him… he just is crap in that! REVIEW PLEASE:D 


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